Old Quotes/UKC/Seventh Page
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"You run about being beserkedly friendly." - Jan.
"I seem to be surrounded by fools... perhaps you are the least
foolish of them." - Richard 2. "I take that remark as a deep personal insult, your highness." - Joe, playing a jester.
"Mind if I join you?" - Richard.
"Well, yes, seeing as you're a complete stranger with a limp and a slightly sinister air." - Joe.
"Well, he's a mortal, and should experience death as much as
possible." - Richard.
"He gave a temporary facade of a rational person, but it
swiftly shattered when he was exposed to the the stresses of everyday life. He was revealed as a psychopath " - Joe, to the new PC of the player who had played the character being described.
"Only a dangerous psychotic would bandy around explosives in
the inner city... I do, obviously...." - Joe.
" There are only pedestrian vehicles around." - Richard 2.
"I'm dead and you're dead, but you're deader than me." -
"Why are you haunting him, in particular?" - Richard.
"Because he killed me, what do you think?! He chopped off my head with a rapier." - Richard 2. "Marvellous." - Richard.
"It's been May for the last 9 weeks." - Richard 2.
"You take these quotes entirely out of context." - Richard 2.
"We'll have the entire biochemical industry in the palm of our
hands." - Joe. "That sounds rather dangerous, actually." - Anthony.
"Stuart doesn't know 'The Raven'?" - Richard 2.
"What raven?" - Stuart. "A classic tale of horror by Edgar Allen Poe." - Richard 2. "Who the hell is Adrian Poe?" - Stuart.
"It's a big, black, pulsing, demonic book. It's just what we
need." - Joe.
"You're going to meet at approximately the same time." -
Richard 2, talking about two people riding motorcycles at each other.
"The corner of the box hits him on the corner of the head." -
Richard 2.
"I'm not an investigative reporter. I write fiction." - Stuart.
"Then make up something that proves he's a war criminal." - Joe.
"...Docking XP" - Richard 2.
"Docking XP? We get XP for docking as well? I'm going to become a barge pilot." - Joe.
"'Is it true that you hear voices in your head?' says a voice
in your head." - Jan.
"It is a trap for the evil people in the city." - Richard 2,
trying to persuade JP to take part in an ambush. "Umm...." - JP.
"Wouldn't want you having an accident, would we?" - Richard 2.
"Yeah, we want it to be well planned and organised." - Anthony.
"If I were you, I would watch my back." - Richard 2.
"But I'm not going to watch your back, am I? What would be the point in that?" - JP.
"He seemed honest and trustworthy... which immediately makes me
suspicious." - Anthony.
"Is this a search and rescue? Search, destroy, and then
rescue." - Joe.
"It's still alive?!" - Giovanni, after carrying a crocodile,
which was presumed deceased, on his back all the way across a swamp.
"I have a fully armed JP and I'm not afraid to let him use
himself." - Joe.
"That's the shield-penetrating, low-velocity Dune shot." - Joe,
after a pellet falls out of a BB gun and rolls away.
"Stay where you are or the wall gets it!" - Anthony, after
realizing he's pointing his sword in the wrong direction.
"There are some vampires who do not cavort with the dark
side...." - Richard 2. "Could you name some?" - Joe.
"I'm sure the matter can be settled... er..." - JP.
"Painfully." - Geoff.
"What you looking at?! Ay?!" - Joe, to some stranger in a club.
"The mysterious holy man with the big cross." - Richard 2. "Oh. OK. (Pause) Funny-looking, ain't he?" - Joe.
"This is three times you've shot me now." - Geoff.
"Once was a ricochet." - Joe.
"You know what this means?" - Joe, after a chesspiece was found
at the scene of a housefire - the house in question belonging to a PC. "(Strained voice) What?" - JP. "There's an evil villain out there with a piece missing from his chess set." - Joe.
"Try our new investment bonds. A guaranted 300% return as long
as you agree never to cash them in." - Joe.
"Bob. (Pause) Remind me of all the ruthless enemies I have." -
JP.
"...That holy water means nothing to me, so you can just put it
away. Away. Away! Far away!" - Joe.
"What are you going to do?" - JP, to a demon.
"Spread demonic evil and destruction, what else do you think? A little shopping? Visit a few cafes and a nightclub?" - Joe.
"Say 'I want dominion over the land known as North America'"-
Joe, offering suggestions to JP, with whom a demon was trying to make a bargain. "(Demonic voice) I have already given that one away." - Richard 2. "(Demonic voice) Dan Quayle paid well for it." - Joe.
" Ask for South America "
"(Demonic voice) I have already given that to the bananas." - Richard 2. "I didn't think bananas had souls? (Pause) (Demonic voice) Not any more." - Joe.
"You're blackmailing him? You're sitting in a demonic realm and
you're trying to blackmail a demon? That's style. Stupidity, but style." - Joe.
"Have you got a notepad or something I can write on?" - JP, in
a demonic taxicab, to the demon driver. "A notepad appears." - Richard 2. "You realise you just traded your soul for that?" - Anthony.
"No, we won't go for that. Irrevocable destruction of the
Pardoner and all his allies. No, I don't think he can do that." - JP, considering what to ask for from a demon in return for a service. The Pardoner was a holy man.
"I don't want to think how he drives with that." - JP, after
the driver's hands turn out to be cloven hooves. "He's a taxi driver." - Anthony.
"Didn't it end in a massive gunfight in central London? (Pause)
Actually, everything with you seems to end in a massive gunfight in central London, but that's beside the point." - Joe.
"On 4, I'll ride to a more tactically advantageous position." -
Joe. "Like Norway?" - Anthony.
"He shouts 'The bandits of the Western road strike again!" -
Marc. (Short pause) "I shoot him." - Stuart.
"What is the problem, senor?" - Joe.
"There is a woman... out in the fields..." - Marc. "Yes. It happens sometimes." - Stuart.
"Would you mind making me a few brief notes? Write down
detailed history...." - Stuart.
"So, you were attacked by 12 greengrocers and survived." -
Stuart, summarizing an adventure.
"People are looking at you... going around molesting crotches."
- Naveed. "Crosses." - Richard 2. His character had been attempting object reading on some crosses.
"Shut up and save the world." - Joe.
"I am searching for you." - Stuart.
"You found us. Bye." - Joe.
"There's a large flash of light and you all pass out." - Marc.
"We've all passed out, sir." - Anthony.
"You pillaged the place for as much as they could spare?!" -
Marc.
"We are fleeing political asylum. We seek... oh, sorry." -
"Have you got any white phosphorus grenades on you?" - Unknown.
"Yes, but I didn't bring the pins with me." - Joe.
"You've sabotaged our defense system and endangered human
civilization in these sectors for a bottle of whiskey?!" - Joe. "Good whiskey." - Giovanni.
"What do you mean it's a one-way corridor?!" - Joe.
"Does duct tape work?" - Richard, when discussing what
equipment will work in a high-teach jamming field.
"Wake up. Oh, they're dead. Let's go." - Stuart, while standing
over two unconscious P Cs.
"What's the doppleganger password?! (Pause) No, don't say it,
because that'll give it away!" - Joe.
"He was stabbed to death." - Joe.
"Multiple times, actually." - Richard 2. "He was stabbed to death multiple times?! Somebody should have mentioned this, it's rather important." - Anthony.
"He doesn't bite the hand that feeds him -- he doesn't kill the
hand that feeds him." - JP.
"... oonce known as Karaghast the White, now known as Karaghast
the Pink, or Karaghast who doesn't separate his washing properly." - Joe.
"What's this paper written on?" - Stuart.
"There's nothing in that coffee that won't harm you... that
will hurt you." - Stuart.
"You're climbing down the clifface. You have to stop every now
and again, because this sort of winding path keeps getting in your way." - Joe.
"I accept full responsibility but none of the consequences." -
JP.
"He just killed the gaint cider." - Joe.
"My name is Captain... (Long pause)" - Marc.
"Mackenzie, sir." - Anthony.
"OK, then, Richard, call it!- Marc, as Richard tries to call
his magical sword while being threatened by an assassin. "Swiftfoot!" - Richard. "(laughing) That's the wrong name!" - Marc. "Surefoot!" - Richard. "No..." - Marc. "Footsure!" - Richard. "(laughing) Still the wrong name!" - Marc. "Oh shit." - Richard.
"Can I disarm him with my axe?" - Joe.
"No, because you've got a bloody great axe." - Marc. "No, disarm him." - Joe, while miming chopping an arm off.
"The Black Hand never surrenders!" - Marc, miming stabbing
himself. "Damn, I was about to fire bolt him to death. (Pause) Cheapskate! (Pause) Thanks for telling use the name of your secret organization, I say as he dies." - Joe. "Mind you, if he has any sense, he'll use the name of some other secret organization they've been rivals with for a long time." - Anthony.
"Why aren't we called the Black Hand? (Different voice)
Disinformation. (First voice again) But sir, if we identify ourselves as the Black Hand, we all think we're the Black Hand, and we're all branded with a Black Hand, what's the point?" - Joe.
"There's a slight scratch, as it didn't actually penetrate the
armour." - Marc, after Joe removes a bolt from Richard's chest. "In that case, it must be coated with deadly contact poison... oh shit... I'm holding... oh shit." - Joe.
"The guards of this city are efficient... loyal... trustworthy -
- because I'm not stupid enough to think they've pulled everyone away who's watching us." - Joe.
"... but they killed the burglars and didn't kill the people
they were hired to." - Richard, about some assassins. "I think they were an adventuring party, you know." - Joe.
"It's an owl hoot for 'all clear' and an 'aaaakk!' for 'help,
help, I'm under attack!'" - Joe.
"You're up bright and early." - Joe.
"Yep. Last watch, you know." - Richard. "Oh, watches. I knew we forgot soemthing." - Joe.
"He deals in antiques and antiquities." - Marc.
"That's tomb robbing, isn't it?" - Joe. "Yes, but it's impolite to say so." - Marc. "Ah. (Pause) That's tomb robbing, isn't it?" - Joe.
"...standing outside the temple of light and dark... well,
mostly dark." - Marc. "Is that what it actually says?" - Richard.
"Maybe we'll find a level-draining creature and say 'hand over
the levels or you get it.'" - Joe.
"That's not a dress pistol -- that's a close assault weapon." -
Joe.
"I was going to make it last a long time, but unfortunately I
killed him in the first round." - Richard.
"What does 'warning: maximum human consumption exceeded 500%'
mean? (Pause) I don't know, I can't read anymore." - Joe.
"I've got no evidence... no starting point... no investigative
skills... but, apart from that, I'm on the case." - Joe.
"She doesn't know where she is... you don't know where she
is..." - Richard. "No." - Joe. "Well, there's a start." - Richard.
"He was a vampire... which would explain why he died when he
got his head chopped off." - Richard.
" Discusses Royal Hunt " - Marc.
"Release three peasants." - Richard, quoting Marc from an earlier game.
"Go and fetch the court wizard." - Giovanni.
"I'm right beside you, sir." - Marc.
"I was thinking of raising our population." - Giovanni.
"All by yourself, sir?" - Anthony.
"I don't like being given orders." - Ruben.
"Because it takes you a long time to figure out what they're about." - Joe.
"Barman, have you got a plaster for that?" - Richard, after a
PC's head comes off. "Barman, have you got a basketball hoop?" - Joe.
"We space marines specialize in making the world safe for
democracy." - Joe. "Yes." - Giovanni. "And shooting people." - Joe.
"...It was prophesised that death and destruction would come to
London, and you've come back." - Joe, to Stephen.
"The secretary comes over to you..." - Richard 2.
"How the hell did you get into my house?!" - Stephen.
"Ah. Little Italy is the place where all the Italians hang out.
Fine." - Richard 2.
"I don't think we've got jammers big enough to black out all
the T Vs, have we." - Stephen, joking. "(Deadpan) That's classified." - Joe.
"He's not an evil dark necromancer, he's this bloke named Jim
we met down the pub." - Joe.
"He's either dead or beyond my reach." - Giovanni, as a
necromancer.
"Hey... you suck the life force out of living things, and make
people feel eerie... I think that's... cool." - Joe.
"I didn't kneecap Scotty... I just shot him in the leg." - Richard
"Are you a masochist, man, studying maths?" - Rich 2
"Yeah, are you a mathochist?" - Stephen
"The dog comes over and up against your leg." - Stuart
"The dog comes against my leg?!" - Giovanni
"You see a cloaked black shadow with red eyes." - Stuart
"Does it look menacing?" - Maurizio
"You don't know hat that Watcher's doing, but..." - Stuart
"Watching?" - Rich 2
"She went to work for two months in a psychiatrist." - Stuart
"I'm a coward! You want me to step out?!" - Marc
"Yes." - Stuart, as NPC
"Okay, I step out." - Marc
"She shoots you with a tazer." - Stuart
"I'm alone in the house with a man called Death, and he just shot my dog." - Marc
"Don't let anyone see you." - Richard
"Yeah, that's why I'm staying visible." - Stuart
"C'mon, there could be more people shot upstairs. How did these people get shot, anyway?" - Richard
"That's pretty simple; I shot them. *bang*" - GM
"Hello, it's me." - Richard
"Ah, hello, me. I didn't know I could be in two places at once." - Stuart
"He comes around the corner with his assault rifle." - Stuart
"Then I'll get a pepper rifle and we'll make a perfect team." - Rich 2
- Old Quotes/UKC/Sixth Page
